Monthly Archives: October 2008

Telling the Children

Keep your children from feeling they have to choose! How parents tell their children about the divorce sets the stage for how the parents will co-parent in the future and has a significant impact on whether the children thrive………no matter what you do legally, both of you will continue to be parents. A great book [...]

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Ten Tips for Preparing for Divorce Mediation

Here are some things to think about in preparing for the mediation of your divorce. 1. Envision civil negotiations.2. Make a checklist for each session.3. Sketch out a parenting plan or two.4. Gather financial documents.5. Strive for fairness in asset and debt division.6. Draft a monthly budget for expenses.7. Address the inevitable shortfall.8. Consider spousal [...]

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Fall Harvest in Leavenworth!

Tomorrow I will be chairing the retreat for the Executive Committee ADR Section of WSBA in lovely Leavenworth, WA, where rumor has it the fall colors will be brilliant! Fall timing is perfect because the retreat is an effort to harvest the progress the ADR Section made last year, guided by highly respected lawyer and [...]

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The Best Interests of the Children

We encourage parents during divorce to put their children first. This can be hard to do when you are in the middle of conflict. It reminds me of a cartoon in which a guy is standing on a sidewalk and there’s a sign above him with an arrow pointing down to where he’s standing which [...]

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Wild Ride!

The stock market’s been a wild ride over the past year and unlike rides in amusement parks the ride is NOT amusing! The situation increases anxiety for divorcing couples who are already stressed out and feeling the pressure of financial shortage….and it creates havoc for asset valuations. The stock market roller coaster can really cause [...]

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No dukes

I liken litigation to duking it out. There are three main drawbacks to litigation. (Yes, this blog has a bias.) They are: 1. Impact on Children2. Cost3. Impact on You Never underestimate the impact on your children that protracted litigation with your spouse will have. Your kids are already upset that your divorce is about [...]

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Open The Door To A Better Future!

“Isn’t mediating in the same room only for couples who are cooperative? I don’t feel comfortable talking to my spouse and don’t want to sit in the same room with them! They are much more powerful and I don’t want to listen to their barbs and blaming!” Mediation is not easy….however, joint session mediation opens [...]

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Real Divorce Mediation: How It Works

I co-mediate divorces with John Duda, M.F.T., a family and couples therapist who practices on the peninsula south of San Francisco. John and I appreciate the collaborative aspect of our mediation practice. Our clients tell us they appreciate the male-female, therapist-lawyer perspectives we bring. We recognize that there are many well-qualified mediators in the San [...]

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Why "Real Divorce Mediation"?

A colleague asked me yesterday why we call this blog “Real Divorce Mediation”? Nowadays there are so many different types of mediation people are puzzled about what divorce mediation really is….”facilitative”, “evaluative”, “shuttle”……..what are they and which one is best? When I first started doing divorce mediation in 1988 the field was relatively new and [...]

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